AficioNada

Speaking of fun: my friend, T, with the largest Meyer lemon I've ever seen. Food is trivial in the way that happiness is trivial, the way that self knowledge is trivial. -- Beth Ann Fennelly “Taste Buds,” from Oxford American’s 2009 Best of the South issue.

Food, Fennelly writes in her beautiful article, “can be the door that opens into many rooms." Food can be about comfort, family, sorrow and protecting the ones you love. It can celebrate health, life, death and the spectrum of events between the two.

And occasionally it can all get way too serious. Food, wine and the wide and wonderful stretch in between is supposed to be fun.  I was chewing on this thought while simultaneously “cleaning out” my computer desktop, when I discovered these random paragraphs in a folder.

They must have been dashed off late at night. I must have been eating the sad remains of my refrigerator and pantry. And I had obviously had a few glasses of sumpin'…but this is pure silliness, and - I recall - when I wrote them, it was pure fun:

If you eat a bag of Sour Skittles before you drink a glass of wine, your taste buds will definitely be stripped of a layer. If you’re ok with this, I also recommend pairing red wine with a half box of Corn Pops. The high-fructose corn syrup clashes with the wine and fills your mouth with a pure metallic, salty-bitter flavor. It will taste just like you bit your lip and ate a bag of Sour Skittles. If you want to truly take it to “that” level, make sure your red wine is something like Barbera (an Italian grape varietal) from Lake County. Trust me on this one; this Napa Valley neighbor is quickly becoming less known for its meth labs and more known for its wines.

An equally appealing, more athletic alternative? Try MacGyvering  a  makeshift winery in your basement, garage or even carport and make your own homebrew. That’s how half the winemakers in Napa and Sonoma (and we won’t even traverse Mendocino) got into the business, including Rochioli’s Cellar Master Terry Bering and Caymus’ founder Charles Wagner, Sr.

Making wine, according to a pamphlet I picked up at the War Eagle Mill in Arkansas, is the easiest thing in the world to do. As friend and mentor Karen MacNeil says, “It’s just the fermented juice of grapes.” The author of the Wine Bible ought to know…

Of course, in Arkansas, the juice doesn’t even have to flow from grapes. During Altus’ annual grape fest, a sweltering 104-degree display of local crafts and local brews in Central Arkansas’ mosquito-laden “river valley,” amateur winemakers can enter any fruit, vegetable or flower into the "Amateur Wine Competition," so long as its fermented. While these folks make some strange but appealing wines, take it from firsthand experience: if someone passes you a bottle of onion wine, don’t take a pull.

HOBO WINE: WHEN THE ECONOMY SOURS, MAKE THIS HOME BREW AND HOP A TRAIN TO ANYWHERE: To read the recipe, click on this link.